You may be wondering what blessings and curses have to do with marriage.

When we think of “Blessings,” we usually think about the short prayer we speak over dinner, or our quick reply when we hear someone sneeze, or possibly even that iconic Irish Blessing we hear on St. Paddy’s Day. And conversely when we think about “curses,” the mind conjures up visions of someone casting a spell while stirring a huge caldron, or possibly some wicked person sticking pins and needles in a little cloth doll.

Throughout the Bible, God speaks about “blessings and curses” frequently; and in the book of James we are told that there are two things that proceed from our mouths; either blessings or curses. (James 3:10)

No matter what our faith is, or what we believe in, the concept of blessings and curses is a reality that has been passed down from generation to generation, either knowingly or inadvertently. There are universities across the nation that are chock full of case studies and statistics that prove this point.

Take the young boy who is raised in a highly dysfunctional family. He is told constantly that he is stupid, he’s an idiot, he’ll never amount to anything, he’s ugly, and so on. This child grows up with low self esteem, worthlessness, anger issues, possibly eating disorders, and much more. Walk in to any prison in America and you’ll hear similar stories from the inmates about their childhoods.

Now take a look at his neighbor, a young boy who is raised in a loving, caring home. He is told constantly that he is loved, he is cherished, that he can become anything he sets his mind to, etc. This child grows up with respect, a loving heart, great self worth, ambition, vision, and more.

The same theory is carried over into our marriages. We can either bless our spouses, or we can curse them. We do this through our words and our actions.

To begin with, there are three common ‘curses’ that married couples unwittingly fall into. These curses come in the form of three words, “never,” “always,” and “whatever.” Many times spouses will tell the other spouse things like, “you never care about me,” “you always argue with me,” or “you never do anything right around here.” Equally problematic is when one partner is trying to talk things out, and the other partner folds their arms across their chest and says, “Whatever!”

These comments and others are basically cursing your partner and your marriage. No-one can walk away from these conversations with any resolve. The one making the comments feels justified, and the one hearing the comments, feels burdened and worthless. You know, after a husband hears “you never care about me” constantly banging in his ears month after month, year after year… it’s only a matter of time before he actually stops caring.

First of all, always and never implies a constant or continuous action, literally a “forever, eternal” action. It is humanly impossible for a husband or wife to “always” or “never” do something.

You know, my husband and I love fishing. And I often tell people I don’t believe in “catch and release,” I believe in “catch and enjoy.” I think some folks take the “catch and release” idea into marriage. They glory in the fun and excitement of the catch. They laugh at all the little twists and turns and the thrill of the chase … and all the little differences between them and the other ‘fish’ out there.

Then after they catch their ‘fish’… their spouse, they inadvertently ‘release’ them by not hanging on to all that fun and excitement that drew them to one another in the first place, throughout the marriage. They have unsuspectingly cursed their marriage and their spouse.

Is it too late for that couple? Absolutely not! They need to turn the curses into blessings. They need to stop mid-stream, turn around and swim against the current that has pulled them apart, and remember the joy of the catch! It’s a tough swim… but in the end it’s well worth the effort.

Debi Levendusky, lives on the Southern Oregon Coast with her husband David, they are both non-denominational pastors and marriage counselors. You can find Debi at The Rock Fellowship Church & South Coast Christian Counseling, soccc@live.com

“Mr. Young, known simply as Ed to his parishioners, and his wife, both 47, have been married for 26 years and have four children, including twins. They have firsthand experience with some of the barriers to an intimate sex life in marriage, including careers, exhaustion, outside commitments, and “kids,” a word that Mr. Young told church members stands for “keeping intimacy at a distance successfully.

But if you make the time to have sex, it will bring you closer to your spouse and to God, he has said. You will perform better at work, leave a loving legacy for your children to follow and may even prevent an extramarital affair.”

Read the entire article at Laura’s Strengthening Marriage Blog, its good stuff!

This happened to me on the weekend, and until to be quite honest, it took me by surprise. Even those of us who are better equipped than many others are not immune. My partner told me something that really hurt my feelings, and I lashed back in defense. It was a silly argument, over something as simple as a misplaced bottle of aftershave. But to me, it represented something much deeper, that had been simmering away for a couple of weeks. I get frustrated at having to search for something when it is not where I expect it to be. Worse still when my partner has shifted it and I don’t know the first place to begin searching.

Aftershave, needles and thread, car keys, a Tupperware container to store my baking soda in, covers for our outdoor chairs, all were examples of instances where I had to turn the house upside-down. A simple answer from my partner when these things were shifted would have saved me a lot of time and frustration. And the answer I got? “You need to open your eyes and organize yourself better”

I was gutted. When I come home from work I exercise the dog and cook dinner so that it is on the table by the time my partner gets home. The house is always spotless and warm, as I’m very conscious of coming home to a tidy environment. I see this as a fundamental part of my role in coming home first, and it takes a lot of my time. To imply that I have the time to “organize yourself better” really hurt.

I don’t expect praise, but I did hope that my efforts were recognized. I got told that “I don’t expect you to cook my dinner every night” was interpreted by me as ingratitude, and hurt me even more.

So where to from here? My partner felt guilty at coming home every night to the perfect household, whereas I felt guilty if it wasn’t perfect. It was never about me trying to make him feel guilty, but it seems it did. And this is where the communication fell down. He misinterpreted my efforts, and I misinterpreted his response.

Communication, communication, communication. I need for my partner to keep me informed of where things move to. I need to be informed. I need to voice my frustration before it gets to boiling point. We both need to talk about our feelings more, and how each of our contributions to our home and our relationship make us feel, and how we interpret each others contributions. It is not a competition, but for many couples it feels like it.

When people feel guilt or stress, it leads them to act funny ways. Often stress and guilt are barriers to communication. The key to overcoming them is to recognize what it is, and have the courage to talk about it. You might be able to do it as a couple, or you might want the help of a friend who can listen to the way you are communicating with each other and offer insights and advice.

We got it sorted out, and kissed and hugged. It wouldn’t hurt so much if I didn’t feel such love at the same time. But it served as a good reminder to me. Sometimes you get so wrapped up in your own emotions that you forget to think of the other person. You also need to entertain the possibility that you are misinterpreting each other. Talking about it is the way to expose the miscommunication and let the healing begin.

A good lesson to learn, even for the experts…

************************************************************************************************************

This article is brought to you by Save My Marriage Today.

You may be making mistakes that will jeopardize your marriage recovery! My Save My Marriage Today course has helped save thousands of marriages and is guaranteed to deliver results or your money back.

You can’t afford to give your marriage 50%. You need 100% - you need the BEST information now! You have to learn what it takes to save your marriage. Get the whole package that gives you REAL results … guaranteed.

You have to go to http://www.savemymarriagetoday.com/ and get my course.

Because your marriage deserves better!

Today my wife and I have been married for 25 years. It’s been fun for us so far and I look forward to the years to come. Here are some of the things I’ve learned over the years.

Marry the Person You Can’t Live Without (and Who Can’t Live Without You)

Don’t settle. Don’t marry the logical person. Marry the person who fills you with lust, laughter and longing.

Everyone Marries the Wrong Person

No matter how well you choose each other, there will be a time (or maybe even times) when you are convinced things are so bad they will never be better. Recognize that this feeling is normal and in almost every case things WILL be better. Don’t make a permanent choice (like having an affair or getting a divorce) because of a temporary problem.

Marriage Isn’t About Sex, It’s About Partnership

You get married because you want to be there for one another over the long haul. Marriage says “I’ll be there for you no matter what happens to you. When you are weak, I’ll be there. When you screw up, I’ll be there.”

But You Better Have Lots of Sex

While marriage isn’t about sex, if you want to have a successful marriage you better have a lot of sex. Spontaneous, movie sex happens, but not too often. You need to plan time and energy to maintain an active sex life. Not only will you both enjoy it, it will create a stronger bond between you.

Date Your Spouse

Once a week or more have a date night. If you don’t have the money to “go out,” stay in and rent a DVD. Send the kids somewhere else. A few times a year—as many times as possible—go away for a romantic weekend.

Maintain Your Appearance

We are all going to age and won’t look like we did at 21. Despite that fact we can maintain our appearance. Dress nicely even when you are home with your spouse. Watch your weight and exercise. If you are a woman learn to use make-up. Men, try shaving—even on weekends. Not only will you feel more sexy, you will be more sexy.

Be a Cheerleader for Your Spouse

No, I don’t mean buy an outfit and roll play. What I mean is that you need to be the person who always believes in your partner and cheers for their efforts and successes. Your success as a team is highly dependent on how much you believe in your spouse and your spouse believes in you.

Let Someone Else Correct Your Spouse

When your spouse screws up—and (s)he will—chances are your spouse knows it already. Even if (s)he is not yet aware of their faux-pas, someone will be sure to point it out to them. Let it go. Let your need to be right go. They need to have you be a cheerleader, not a coach.

Make Time to Be Alone

Put the kids to bed. Every night. Get up early to have coffee together. Ride to the store together even when you don’t both have to go. The best indicator of marital happiness is how much time partners spend together.

Let Your Needs be Known

When you need something—whether it is a hug or a weekend with the boys fishing—tell your spouse. Don’t expect them to read your mind. Don’t think you are being selfish and “shouldn’t” ask. If you are going to succeed as a couple you need to be able to get your needs met in the relationship.

Supply What Your Spouse Needs

When your spouse tells you they need something from you, do all you can to provide it.

Trust Without Reservation

For your marriage to work you must allow your spouse into the deepest part of your life. Yes, they might hurt you. Yes, it can be scary. But that’s why you committed to them and they committed to you.

Have Kids Even Though You Can’t Possibly Afford Them

You can’t afford to have kids. Have them anyway.

Ask Your Spouse About Their Day and Really Listen

Ever day plan to take some time to let them talk about their day. Be their cheerleader (see above) and let them give you as many details as they choose.

Hope you find these tips helpful. Feel free to add any of your own below.

Art by Debi Levendusky

Sex & Marriage - Don’t Let Life Get in the Way of Having Sex

By Alyssa Johnson at RemarriageSuccess.com

Sex in marriage can be difficult when you’ve got kids and numerous demands on your time. It’s just not the same as it was when you were newly married and could run around the house naked if you wanted to. The spontaneity of sex gets stiffed a little too because there are little ones whose needs have to be taken care of as well.

But…

Always putting those little ones needs above your own as a couple is a dangerous choice. You need to keep that marriage strong and your sexual relationship is an important aspect in protecting that marriage from all of the other outside pressures. Your sexual relationship is one aspect that the world at large has nothing to do with. It’s just you and your spouse celebrating one another and your relationship.

Men and women’s sex drives are different. There’s no getting around that. It’s important to “work with what you’ve got” and understand how those differences can be used to your advantage rather than see it as something to “deal with.”

For women, a difficulty is that if they don’t have sex frequently, they can start losing the desire for it. It just sort of falls of the radar. This is easy when women are burdened with household and child rearing responsibilities along with a full-time job. There’s so much to get done that sex never makes it to the “to do” list.

Men, on the other hand, just become frustrated and irritable when the sexual relationship is less than what they want. It’s very difficult for men to understand why their wives aren’t interested in having sex at the drop of a dime. Most men’s thinking goes something like this: “It feels good, right? Then why not do it if you’re tired to help you relax and feel better?!”

This is one of those eternal conflicts in marriage that couples need to learn how to sort out effectively. The bottom line, however is that you DO need to maintain your sexual relationship no matter what the external pressures may be on your marriage.

One option for doing this is to schedule sex. Now I know you’re probably thinking, “How romantic!!” But, take a minute and think about it. Obviously you’re having a hard time fitting sex into your routine right now. You make the time to run the kids to their activities. You make the time to go to the dentist. Why? It’s on the calendar and you’ve made a commitment to do it. While scheduled sex may not be spontaneous, it can be romantic. You’ve got the opportunity to anticipate it and prepare for it. Don’t cram a bunch of stuff into those days. Take it easy so you wont’ be so tired. Just the anticipation of it may actually help your desire level.

Give it a try a few times. Make it every bit as much of a priority as all of the other things on your “to do” list. It shouldn’t be something that you squeeze in if you feel like it or have time. It should be one of the top 3 priorities of the day!

Art from Loving Sex

Alyssa is a remarriage expert. She specializes in working with divorced families who are planning to remarry.

She provides high quality resources and support to these newly emerging step families. In addition to her website, Alyssa provides remarriage and step family coaching to clients in person or on the phone.

She, along with a collegue, developed a divorce recovery class for children (FACT - Families Accepting Change Together) . Her desire is to work not only with the children, but also their parents to help everyone adequately prepare for a remarriage with the goal being to avoid a redivorce and achieve remarriage success!

Want to learn more about creating a more fulfilling sex life with your spouse? I want to invite you to download our audio, “Daytime Parents & Nighttime Lovers” by visiting http://www.RemarriageSuccess.com/9117audiosignup.htm

Are you remarried and trying to build a step family? If so, why not become a member of our Tip of the Week? Each week you’ll receive an information packed tip with tons of resources and supports to strengthen your marriage and step family. Learn more by going to http://www.RemarriageSuccess.com/tip.htm

(Article originally appeared at EzineArticles.com)

• How to Save Your Marriage
• How to Understand Your Husband’s Crazy Brain
• How to Get What You Want in Marriage

Get Aaron’s New Book
How To Seduce Your Wife Tonight
FREE!

This book will help you BOTH find happiness and fulfillment.
Just click here to begin having the marriage of your dreams!