November 14th, 2007 by Aaron from FullTiltMarriage.com · 4 Comments
Everyone fantasizes. You do. I do. Your partner does. The thing about fantasies is knowing when it is safe to act them out and when they should just stay in your mind.
Women aren’t always comfortable with having fantasies. As a woman, you are often taught that thinking about sex is wrong and that “good girls” don’t want sex. This can be very confusing to women. It can also make it difficult to share your thoughts with your husband.
It is completely normal and natural for both men and women to fantasize about sex.
Some common fantasies are:
Having sex in public. If this is one of your fantasies, you need to be careful. You need to be aware that you can be arrested for public sex.
Having a threesome. This is a very common male fantasy. If both partners are open to it and neither one is the jealous type, it could work. BUT I want you to be aware that it can cause serious damage to a relationship. Women worry that their husband will want the other woman more than he wants her. Women also worry that the other woman’s body is better or that she is a better lover. If there are any insecurities, this isn’t a good idea.
Same sex fantasies. Same sex fantasies are very normal for both men and women. You may think about what it would feel like, how you would do it, etc. This doesn’t mean that you have any gender identity issues, it just means you are curious.
All in all, fantasies are normal. They are part of a healthy, happy sexual relationship. Feel free to share your fantasies with your partner and maybe they will come true.
Terri is author of The Passion Blog and helps singles and couples
learn the skills to create and maintain loving, passionate
relationships with an intense sexual connection through her relationship coaching.
In our society, we have a general rule. “You can look, but you better not touch“. Do you think this is a good rule to have in our relationships?
If there wasn’t a rule, would everyone have a lover on the side? Would you break your vows and commit adultery? Do you think that looking has any effects on your relationship?
I’m Married, Not Dead
Everyone, men and women, notice good-looking people. It doesn’t matter if you are committed or not. It is our basic human biology. We are wired to be attracted to members of the opposite sex. The real test is how we conduct ourselves once we have noticed someone.
I have been in relationships in which my partner noticed and flirted with everyone in a skirt. This really pushes every emotional and jealous button that I have. I know that it is just his personality and I am forced to deal with my own insecurities. (And let me tell you, I tend to have a lot) He was in my life to help me learn to trust and be more secure in myself.
I have also been in a relationship in which my partner rarely looked at another woman. The problem was, he rarely looked at me either. This too, pushes a lot of insecure buttons.
I think that the solution is to understand that you and your partner will see someone and be attracted. The way you respond boils down to whether or not you have respect for the person you are in a relationship with. Notice, but don’t ogle. Keep in mind that you made a commitment and that acting on an attraction will probably ruin the relationship that you have.
Terri is author of The Passion Blog and helps singles and couples
learn the skills to create and maintain loving, passionate
relationships with an intense sexual connection through her relationship coaching.
