Variety is a very important part of your sexual relationship. Variety will keep your sex life from becoming boring and predictable. If you had your favorite meal everyday, you would get tired of that too.
It is a good idea to try new ideas, new positions, and new places when making love. Every guru around tells you to experiment and to be open sexually. That doesn’t mean that you have to buy sex toys or invite someone new into your bed. These things can be very far out of someones comfort zone.
Trying Something New
An easy way to bring variety into your love life is to make love in places other than your bed. Remember when you were young and you made-out, half-dressed on the couch? Try that again. Make love in every room of your home. Make love on the tumble dryer. Steam up the windows of your car. If you have children, you will need to use some creativity.
Another way to change things up is to buy a book of sexual positions. If you are too shy to go to the bookstore, there are many on-line stores selling these books. Find a few positions that look like fun. Choose a new one each time you make love. If you already have your favorite position, alternate with the new ones.
The third tip I have for you is to use a silk scarf or a man’s tie. Either one of these items can be used as a blindfold for your lover. Cover his eyes and explore his body. Let him tell you what feels good and how he likes to be touched.
Use your imagination and have fun!
Terri is author of The Passion Blog and helps singles and couples
learn the skills to create and maintain loving, passionate
relationships with an intense sexual connection through her relationship coaching.
You’ve already primed the pump. You’ve been seducing her all day. You cooked dinner and did the dishes. She’s had a glass or two of wine and she knows the two of you are going to make love.
At this point I wish I could give you a step-by-step index card size cheat sheet for tickling your bride’s fancy. The truth is every woman is different. I’ll give you the broad strokes (pardon the pun) and you can fill in the specifics.
Talk a Little
If you followed the plan thus far you should have a couple of fortune cookies (or more) floating around. Before you leave the table take them out and remind your girl of the old joke about adding “in bed” to the end of the fortune. Then each open your cookie and read the fortune followed by “in bed.”
Sometimes it’s pretty funny and kinda sexy.
Go Slow
Men tend to masturbate often during the first part of their sexual lives and often do so when time is of the essence. As such they learn to climax quickly. Often when we get married we continue to practice our “two minute drill” with our love making.
The intensity of her orgasm and yours is directly related to how much time you spend sexually aroused and the intensity of that arousal. If you look at arousal on a scale of 1 to 10—10 being moments before you climax—you want to get to and stay at a 6 or 7 for as long as possible to have the most intense orgasm.
Take your time with her and with yourself and you will both enjoy it much more.
Take the Long Way ‘Round
Often married couples develop a “standard” love-making routine. You touch her “here,” she responds by touching you “there” and in fifteen minutes you turn on Letterman.
Try this instead:
Undress her slowly, taking time to appreciate every piece of clothing. Take off her clothes as if each one was made of fragile paper. If she put on something sexy for you, take time to drink her in with your eyes.
If you want to touch her breasts, don’t. Instead, gently stroke her arms, her stomach—every part of her torso except her breasts. As she begins to warm up get closer and closer to her erogenous zones.
Turn Up the Volume Slowly
Remember that scene in “This is Spinal Tap” where Nigel (played by Christopher Guest) tells the interviewer he likes a particular amplifier because it doesn’t just go to “10” it goes to “11”?
If you turn up the volume slowly your wife, who made not have been turned up over an 8 for years, might just get to an 11. And so will you.
The longer you gently kiss, caress and gently tickle her body the higher her volume will go. As you continue you can begin gently touching her more sensitive areas and watching her reaction.
Check Her Oil Regularly
Your wife’s body will tell you when she is getting significantly aroused. Many women will begin moaning (which is pretty cool Romeo), she may begin thrusting her hips. If you touch her labia they will begin to moisten. The more lubricated she becomes, the more aroused she is.
In some women this is more subtle. As a woman ages she may have less lubrication. If this is the case with your wife she may find it more comfortable to use an artificial lubricant like KY jelly or Astroglide. Saliva is also a great lubricant (hint, hint.)
Close the Deal for Her and for You
While in a perfect world all women would climax exactly as their man climaxed. That is rarely the case.
Instead most women require much more direct clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm—even after you masterfully prepare her with your new found foreplay skills. Oral stimulation by her partner, direct stimulation with well lubricated fingers or using a vibrator are great ways to help her find her orgasm.
It is important that you make her pleasure your priority. In many cases that may mean she has her orgasm first. Don’t worry, it will give you a better orgasm when you do get your turn.
Now that you’ve achieved your goal of giving yourself and your wife a wonderful treat, there’s just one more step: Setting the stage for next time.
