“My ex-wife still tries to dominate me and interfere in my life. I have moved on and have a new woman. My teenage daughter and I have a very good relationship but whenever my ex-wife is around I am reminded why I divorced her. How do I get her to understand she is divorced and must get a life of her own?”
Your mutual connection, the daughter whom you co-parent, will remain integral to both of your lives. It will therefore be to the advantage of all concerned if you remain kind, forthright and strong in all of your dealings with the woman whom you once loved enough to marry.
Include your “new woman” in as many interactions with your ex-wife as possible. This will serve as a constant reminder to your ex-wife that you have, in fact, moved on.
As an aside, I’d suggest that while your ex-wife’s behavior continues to elicit a strong reaction from you, you may not have “moved on” as much as you might think.
You remain as powerless over your ex-wife as you were when you were yet married. I’d suggest you take time to evaluate the reasons she can so effectively get under your skin. What is it about you, that her behavior so gets to you?
Art by Lynne Lancaster
Rod Smith has taught family therapy and courses on related topics for various institutions, primarily The University of the Nations, in many locations around the world. His “YOU AND ME” newspaper column is widely enjoyed in South Africa where it has been published daily for almost to 7 years.
So valued are Rod Smith’s methods of intervention that high-profile, highly conflicted families have flown him half the way around the world to assist in finding some manner of resolution to seemingly insurmountable dilemmas.
Rod writes the Difficult Relationship Blog and is available to help you with your own difficult relationship issues. You can reach Rod via email Rod@DifficultRelationships.com OR “RodeSmithMSMFT” on SKYPE.
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