Marriage Help: After the Affair

A woman writes, after ending her affair…..

“Wow! I happened to fall upon this site and I am so amazed at all the responses on this matter. I am not proud of what I am about to say but I fell in love with a married man. It started out as a professional relationship, but he flirted and pursued me and eventually I relented.

I believed him when he said, “nothing would change between us professionally.”

I believed him when he said “I have never done this before”….but little clues led me to believe different.

The fact that when his wife called him on his cell and he answered (while I was present) he would look me straight in the eye and not act nervously at all. Another time (I tested this) by hugging him while he was conversing with her, and he did not wince, or push me away at all!

So, either, he really hated her, or he is very used to this situation.

I wised up and left this relationship. She caught on, and I could tell that she had dealt with this before. She wasn’t even angry, it was more like: “Here we go again.”

I feel sorry for her. He is (so-called) “high profile.”

He makes a good living and they have several young kids. It hurt to leave, because I did love him. I probably still do,…but bottom line is it was so wrong!

One doesn’t intentionally try to get into these situations….at least I didn’t….it just happened, and like a fool I fell for his charm.

Don’t be stupid like I was…..realize…that if he really loved you. He would leave her for you….but then…..”buyer beware”….you just might get what you wished for! Hmmmm………? No Thanks. I don’t want to spend MY marriage looking over my shoulder and babysitting my husband…..just like it has been stated previously….if he did it to her? What is to stop him from doing it to you? What makes you better? You are NOT the mother of his children, you do NOT own property together, you do NOT have a history together….so why wouldn’t he cheat on you too?? Just an FYI….take it from someone who knows….

Here’s an update: AFTER I broke it off with him I ran into a girl at a nightclub and she told he that he had sex with one of her co-workers! Now who would have thought?”

This comment was left on the article found here: rodesmith.com/2006/01/13/the-seductive-nature-of-an-extramaritial-affair/

Rod Smith has taught family therapy and courses on related topics for various institutions, primarily The University of the Nations, in many locations around the world. His “YOU AND ME” newspaper column is widely enjoyed in South Africa where it has been published daily for almost to 7 years.

So valued are Rod Smith’s methods of intervention that high-profile, highly conflicted families have flown him half the way around the world to assist in finding some manner of resolution to seemingly insurmountable dilemmas.

Rod writes the Difficult Relationship Blog and is available to help you with your own difficult relationship issues. You can reach Rod via email Rod@DifficultRelationships.com OR “RodeSmithMSMFT” on SKYPE.

Art here.

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January 17, 2008 at 10:15 am · Filed under Adultery, Affair, Avoiding Divorce, Counseling, Divorce, Marriage Help

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Sex Tip: Sexual Resolutions for the New Year

Yesterday I wrote about resolutions that you can use to create a more loving relationship. Today I would like to focus on one specific topic affecting all relationships: sexuality.

Take a look at your sex life with your partner. Is it everything that you want it to be? Is there some part that you think could use a little improvement? Here are a list of resolutions that you might make for your own sex life.

1. I will take responsibility for my own sexual desire. It is important to know what things create desire in yourself. What turns you on? Do you think sexy thoughts about your partner to get in the mood? Do you like to read steamy novels or watch erotic films? Whatever it is that turns you on, do those things.
2. I will add variety to our lovemaking. The first step to banishing boredom in the bedroom is to add variety. Novelty brings excitement. It can be something as simple as making love in a place other than your bed. You could try new positions, learn to give a sensual massage, or share your fantasies.
3. I will communicate openly and honestly with my partner about sex. Sex is an area of our lives that makes us feel vulnerable. This is one of the reasons it may be hard to talk to your partner about sex. You don’t want to be rejected. The thing is, your partner can’t read your mind. If you don’t tell him what you like, how is he gonna know? It is better to talk openly about sex, than to hold it in and let resentment build.
4. I am responsible for my own orgasm. Many of you think that it is your partner’s responsibility to bring you to orgasm. I believe that if you want an orgasm, have one. That may mean teaching your partner where and how to touch you. It may also mean stimulating yourself while having intercourse.

Anyway you look at it, great sex is within your reach. Take this time to make your sex life as great as you always dreamt it could be.

To read her blog go here: http://PassionBlog.Wordpress.com

To find out more about her coaching go here: http://www.ingenio.com/Coach+Terri

• How to Save Your Marriage
• How to Understand Your Husband’s Crazy Brain
• How to Get What You Want in Marriage

Get Aaron’s New Book FREE!

This book will help you BOTH find happiness and fulfillment.
Just click here to begin having the marriage of your dreams!

Art by Geo Cristian.

January 14, 2008 at 9:18 am · Filed under Relationship Help

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