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Marriage Help: Jealousy and Love

Jealousy

Women and Jealous Men

Jealousy serves no useful purpose. Jealous men (in my experience it is often men) have tried to tell me it comes with love.

Nonsense.

Ugliness is never a symptom of love.

Placated (or appeased, or entertained) jealousy won’t dissipate. It will grow, yes grow, and become increasingly demanding.

A woman who allows a lover’s jealousy to “work,” will discover the virus is never satisfied, will discover it only becomes more restrictive, more ridiculous.

“I stopped talking to men at work, I stopped dressing in pink, I stopped calling my sister because these behaviors of mine made him jealous,” she says, “now he doesn’t want me talking anyone, or wearing clothes he didn’t pick out for me, or talking to anyone in my entire family!” (Sure sounds like love, doesn’t it?)

It is common for a woman to believe she causes a man’s jealousy.

“I make him jealous,” she says.

“No you do not. You are not that powerful,” I say, “his jealousy predates you, and now you are the unlucky focus of his virus.”

Don’t mess (negotiate) with it. If you fail to stand up to it, it will get you every time. It will contaminate your every move, your every thought. (This is the nature of a virus.)

Approach him with, “This is your issue, not mine. I love my life too much to allow your jealousy to manipulate or dominate me. If you want me, you have to accept that I will not allow your issues to have any power over me. It’s sad enough that your issues control you, I am certainly not going to let them control me.”


rodsmithtiny.jpgRod Smith has taught family therapy and courses on related topics for various institutions, primarily The University of the Nations, in many locations around the world. His “YOU AND ME” newspaper column is widely enjoyed in South Africa where it has been published daily for almost to 7 years.

So valued are Rod Smith’s methods of intervention that high-profile, highly conflicted families have flown him half the way around the world to assist in finding some manner of resolution to seemingly insurmountable dilemmas.

Rod writes the Difficult Relationship Blog and is available to help you with your own difficult relationship issues. You can reach Rod via email Rod@DifficultRelationships.com OR “RodeSmithMSMFT” on SKYPE.


Art here.

1 Comment on “Marriage Help: Jealousy and Love”

  1. #1 Shawnda Vaneyck
    on Nov 7th, 2011 at 8:02 pm

    hey loved this website

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